You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
