He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
