is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
