I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
