Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
