ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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