I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
