On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
