Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
