you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
