she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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