I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
