3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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