and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
