He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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