was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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