Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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