My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
