i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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