reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
