alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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