sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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