ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
COCAINE IS GR8
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
