pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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