i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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