I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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