dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
