I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
