3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
