I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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