I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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