I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
