I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
