UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
