Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
