Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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