I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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