So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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