I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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