true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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