Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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