every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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