stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
