my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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