I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
