I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
