I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
