That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
