the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
