they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im six kinds of drunk right now
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
